The Wacky Side of Golf |
|
|
19TH HOLE COMEDY • Today, the blog • Tomorrow, the book |
|
|
|
Memories This entry was posted on 2/12/2006 12:12 PM and is filed under uncategorized. I used to play with a fellow named Tony who played to a 16 handicap -- not bad for a guy with one hand. His right arm is off just below the elbow, but you’d never know it if you saw his scorecard. We'd negotiate a bet on the first tee. I was a 12 at the time, so I had to give him two shots a side. The trouble was, I’d look at the stump and feel like two shots weren’t enough -- he deserved more. Besides, who would play a one-arm guy for money? What kind of a person would gamble with someone who is obviously at a disadvantage? Maybe I should play with one hand, too. That’s my side of the story. Tony would think: “He’s rattled. I had him two down when he saw my car in the parking lot. Shaking hands left-handed was as good as stuffing a press bet in my wallet. His conscience has him two-down. Should I negotiate automatic one-down presses? Naw, he’s good for a sawbuck every time we play. Why louse up a sure thing?” * * * Leo, a wimpy, unathletic, 55 year old accounting department clerk had never played golf in his life. But one winter he enrolled in an adult education golf class that met twice a week at a high school gymnasium where the students hit wiffle balls off rubber mats. Leo and I were members of a business association that sponsored a golf outing in the early spring. Having listened to progress reports about his golf lessons, I encouraged him to sign up. I even said I would play with him so I could witness his first round on a golf course. He removed his reading glasses from the end of his nose, twirled them around and mulled it over before agreeing, somewhat reluctantly, to give it a go. For a guy who had never been on a real golf course, he was amazing. There was a pond in front of the first tee. Leo couldn’t hit the ball very far, but he managed to clear the water. He was ecstatic. I helped him select clubs as we played because he didn’t know one from another. All he knew was what the pro at the high school gym taught him: “Use the same swing with every club. The loft and the length of the shaft will determine the trajectory and distance of the shot.” After several shots, he made it to the first green. I tended the pin since he was about 40 feet from the hole. He addressed the ball with his putter. The rest is a blur. . .the last thing I remember is seeing him at the top of a full backswing. I was running for my life as he let it rip. The ball made a swishing sound as it went by, but didn’t see it. Leo described the putt as, “A knee-high line drive that ended up in the woods.” He had never putted before. All he knew was what the pro at the gym told him -- use the same swing with every club. The loft........ * * * |
|
|
Copyright . http://BLOG.19THHOLECOMEDY.COM. All rights reserved.