What would a restaurant be without waiters?  An airplane without flight attendants?  A museum without docents?

    Golf without caddies is essentially the same thing.

    If caddies had to hang-out a shingle it would be a list: Consultant, valet, mathematician, birddog, confidant, porter, fall guy.

    Those seeking job security need not apply.  A 40-hour work week is a vacation.  Only bird watchers endure more prolonged standing.  Youngsters who take up caddying become prospects for careers with United Van Lines.

    A leather-faced old caddie can tell you which blade of grass to aim for from 157 yards -- except he can’t see it.  He knows, though, as soon as he hears the click that the club he handed you got the ball on the green -- pin-high.  And you protested it was two clubs too much, tsk, tsk.

    I don’t know who invented the golf cart but it might be the same guy who came up with the designated hitter in baseball, a yearlong strike in hockey, the Janet Jackson half-time episode in football.  If carts are such a good idea why don’t polo players use them?  Shouldn’t mountain climbers take a cart?  Gretzky could have fired slap shots from a cart or, maybe, the Zamboni.

    One thing about caddying, as opposed to almost any other job: All you have to do is eavesdrop on a few pro-am conversations and you’re equipped to write for the National Enquirer, make money as an inside trader or do standup comedy .

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