The Wacky Side of Golf |
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19TH HOLE COMEDY • Today, the blog • Tomorrow, the book |
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LOGOS, LOGOS AND MORE LOGOS This entry was posted on 8/9/2006 8:28 PM and is filed under uncategorized. How much more logo
space can touring pros cash in on? Are corporate tattoos
next? I think it’s time for the commissioner to lay down the law:
“OK, from now on, all tour players will wear numbers -- BIG numbers --
just like they do in baseball, football, basketball and hockey.
No more logos, just numbers. If the fans in the gallery want to
know who you are they can check your number on the pairing sheet.
We have galleries filled with people who think Tiger’s last name is
Nike. They root for Ernie adidis.
“Ernie, from now on you’re number 17. Sergio, you wear 37. Phil, you gamble a lot, so you’re hyphenated, you’re 8-5. Jesper, zero. John Daly, based on your life, you’re 911.” The whole logo thing has gotten out of hand. There are emblems everywhere. Suppose Viagra or Tampax wants to advertise on apparel? Um, no problem -- crotches are the only blank spots. Hats, caps, visors, shirts, sweaters, jackets, pants, skirts, shoes, sox, clubs, balls, bags, and umbrellas are taken. They even put logos on the bottom of tour golf bags (apparently, ants, grasshoppers and worms have become a target demographic for advertisers). As bad as it is, professional golfers lag far behind NASCAR drivers in the logo category. Race car drivers cover themselves from head to toe with trademarks. Have you watched a winning driver change hats as he poses for a victory photo shoot? The second he crosses the finish line, he skids to a stop, jumps on the hood and starts running through a logo hat collection (while his slick agent acts like Martin Scorsese directing an epic). Corporations fork over serious money to be title sponsor or presenting sponsor of golf tournaments. They pay whatever it takes to get their names connected with an event. That aggravates newspaper and magazine editors because they hate to give away free publicity. It’s amusing how many print media stories limit the sponsor’s identity to one mention in the opening paragraph. Check it out, you’ll see. Logos irritate television directors, too. It pains them to show a cap or visor logo during a player interview. The camera zooms in underneath the brim to avoid giving away free publicity. Talk about a close-up -- Jim Furyk can be discussing Stimpmeter speeds with Peter Kostis, while an ear, nose and throat doctor, watching 3,000 miles away in his den, diagnoses a sinus infection. Speaking of logos, is there a ball manufacturer or a publicity-hungry company that would be interested in supplying me with logo golf balls? I’m available. The keys to successful advertising are reach and frequency. That said, I’m your guy -- I offer both. I lose balls everywhere -- in the woods, deep grass, and surrounding property (reach). And I lose six or seven each time I play -- upwards of a dozen if it’s a course with water holes (frequency). Attention, corporate marketing executives: SPONSOR ME. I’ll give you maximum value for your investment. And the future is bright. As I get older my game gets lousier. That translates into more lost balls -- more reach and frequency for your buck. Am I a perfect fit for your five-year marketing plan, or what? My friend Dave, another inept golfer, is also looking for a golf ball sponsor. Together, we can put a company on the map -- he’s wild left, I’m wild right -- really wild right. One time he found one of my golf balls in the rough at Orange Tree Golf Resort,. I lost it when I was playing at the Wigwam Resort, on the other side of town. Act now, the offer is limited -- in dog years, our combined age is 952. And, um we’d like to go first class with tour grade balls -- a gross, each, perhaps. * * * |
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