The Wacky Side of Golf |
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19TH HOLE COMEDY • Today, the blog • Tomorrow, the book |
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I'm No Streaker This entry was posted on 10/5/2006 4:53 PM and is filed under uncategorized. I’m convinced it’s impossible for a recreational golfer to play two excellent rounds in a row. Catfish Hunter said it best, “The sun don't shine on the same dog's ass all the time.” I remember the first time I broke 100. It was exciting. I told everybody. I even stopped people on the street, Hey, wanna hear about my career day? When I broke 90 for the first time, I called 911. The cop at the switchboard wasn’t particularly excited about my accomplishment. He said never to call again. I asked, Not even if I bust par? Setting a new career low automatically triggers a reaction: • You grab the earliest available starting time for the following day. • You call into work and tell them you’re sick. • You phone your friends, neighbors, acquaintances, even strangers. • You sleep with one eye open -- aimed at the alarm clock. The buzzer-beater eye. You can never wake up too soon. After all, you have to tape your ankles and prepare for an encore. Forget it. Sleep in. You are destined to play like your lousy old self, the bonehead you really are. Think about the number of times it has happened. Ask yourself: was my second score worse in direct proportion to the number of people I told about my all-time low? Of course, it was. You went from a magical 78 to a hideous 102 (the tap-in for 101 circled the cup like it was going to do a victory lap, but lipped out). So far, there is no record anywhere of a golfer agreeing to be a guinea pig by clamming up -- not blabbing about a career-low -- just to see if the hot streak will continue. * * * |
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