The Wacky Side of Golf |
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19TH HOLE COMEDY • Today, the blog • Tomorrow, the book |
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I'LL TAKE TWO This entry was posted on 8/11/2007 6:26 PM and is filed under uncategorized. Members of the golf industry get together
each January at the PGA Golf Merchandise Show. Let’s pause for a
moment, to consider their timing.
A month earlier you hocked your Rolex to buy christmas presents and decorations -- not to mention turkey dinners to feed people you haven’t seen in months, and don’t want to see again for decades. When your credit card statement comes in, it will have more pages than Gone With the Wind. The mailman will get a hernia lugging it to your front door. Your credit line is tapped out -- there isn’t enough left to buy a sleeve of balls. And the dirty rats have gathered in the Florida sunshine to: • Make sure every club in your bag is obsolete by introducing newer, better, lighter, more expensive models. • Unveil new golf balls they guarantee a six-year-old can spin off the toe of a two-iron. • Introduce a revolutionary nursing/sports bra for low-handicap new mothers. • Flood the market with “I can’t believe it isn’t graphite” shafts, which give women golfers the edge they need to out-drive their husbands and make forward-tee markers obsolete. • Change the sleeve length on all new golf shirts. By February 1st, if your sleeves don't cover your fingertips, you will look like Jesper Parnevik. • Announce an affiliation with Blockbuster. Rent a flick and get a free copy of “The Secret Gene Sarazan Took to His Grave” which shows, in detail, the “Shake hands with your lawyer then count your fingers grip.” With all this in mind, bankruptcy be damned, you know you can’t show up to play with your regular group without the latest equipment innovations and apparel styles. Your worst fear is that your friends will have every item on the list -- and you are dead flat right! Why? Because they are at home pacing the floor, chewing Rolaids, thinking the exact, same thing. * * * |
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